“I call this emergency meeting of the Elk Grove Homeowner’s Association to order.” Reginald Doll banged his gavel on the table set at the front of the room. A dozen couples, and a third as many single homeowners were in attendance.

“Thank you all for coming on such short notice at the request of Miss Emogene Dridan. As most of you know, Emogene heads our community Neighboorhood Watch.” A small patter of appreciative applause rippled through the room as people took their seats.

“What’s this all about Emogene?” Ralph Clifton shouted from the back of the room. “There’s a game on tonight. Some of us are very interested in the outcome.” A murmur rolled through the room. Some reacted to Ralph’s rude outburst. Others agreed.

“Give her a moment,” HOA President Doll implored. His head turned, in a lowered tone he spoke, “Emogene, I think you’d better go ahead.”

Emogene tightened her grip on the ream of crinkled notes in her hand. She stood and scanned the room. Her eyes quickly darted from face to face. Emogene knew each one by name. She knew each house number. She knew each daily routine. It was, in her opinion, her duty as head of the Neighborhood Watch.

Emogene was also well known by her neighbors. Well known for the colorful slips of paper she left detailing HOA Code violations.

“For the past several days,” Emogene started, “and nights,” paused for emphasis, “I have witnessed a very real and present threat to our community.” The thin murmur fled the room as a thick silence filled the space.

“It started last Monday morning. Most of you had already left Elk Grove for work . The school bus had already picked up the children. I was passing by the Robertson’s,” she tipped her head toward Jim and Nancy. “Their grass was a bit too long. So I was just leaving a friendly reminder about the HOA regulation on blade length, when a small car tore through the neighborhood. Watching through the Timmon’s hedges, I saw the car zipping along the street. You all know those bushes are a sight. And you can simply see right through them to everything happening in Gerald’s yard.”

“I finished my note. Nancy, you recall that note, don’t you?” Emogene looked to Mrs. Robertson who shook her head in embarassment. “I cut across the Weston’s front lawn to peek over their fence. It’s the right height now. Thanks to my persistent encouragement that Alan have it reduced to a proper fifty-five inch maximum.” Emogene pointed to Mr. Weston, who had just filled his mouth with a mini doughnut, “Thank You, Alan. That is where I could clearly see the ne’er-do-well getting down to business.”

“He had parked next to the telephone pole between Tonya’s rancher and the Bodell’s Cape Cod. He glanced left, then right to see if anyone had spotted him.” Emogene mimicked the actions. “Then he paced the distance from his getaway car to the corner window of Tonya’s lovely home.” Her next thought appeared like a wild squirrel darting across a fresh cut lawn. “I do hope you continued to employ HomeSentinels, Tonya. They are HOA approved, and offer a twelve percent discount to the entire community.”

“Oh, Emogene.” Tonya Shivers waved a dismissive hand. She lived at the end of Elderberry cul de sac. Emogene watched her jog every morning for the past six years, except Saturdays. She always wondered why Saturday mornings were silent at the Shiver’s home. “You’re over reacting, dear.”

“I think not, Tonya!” Emogene defended. She shuffled her pages and spilled a few to the table. Reginald tried to hand her one, but she began to recount another incident.

“Late in the evening, on Wednesday, I was on my porch watering my hydrangeas. All of a sudden the same speedy car peeled down my very own street. It gave me such a fright. I almost tumbled from my step stool. Thank goodness I didn’t, or I never would have known the foul deeds this criminal was planning.” Emogene’s eyes squeezed into an unnatural slit.

“Concealed by the dark of night, the hoodlum crept and slunk his way toward the Jefferson’s. Not one of them home.” She drew a deep breath. “Thank goodness for the children’s sake. I perish the thought!” Emogene clutched the faux pearls which adorned her neck.

“He moved with the skill and expertise of a career criminal. I’ve seen enough America’s Most Wanted to know. The shadow-man moved between the overgrown hedges by their front porch. That’s where I lost sight of him. But only for a moment!”

She released her necklace and expanded her willow thin fingers to illustrate. “Light broke his devious plans apart! He fled at once. First, running from behind the corner of the split-level home. Then, he dove into the waiting car, and sped off into the night.”

“But Emogene, you can’t be certain of what you saw.” Jeffrey Hollings stood and opened his arms wide over the assembled audience. “Listen, won’t you?” But he was cut off by her stuttering interjection.

“I am. I’m most certain. I do. I see clearly. Quite clearly, in fact. And I know. I know absolutely!” She turned red. Not of embarrassment, but frustration. The people of Elk Grove elected her to lead their Neighborhood Watch. But they ignored, belittled, and dismissed Emogene since her term began. “Why! What I witnessed just yesterday prompted me to call this very meeting.”

“In the middle of the day, the brazen man who would do us all harm, made his boldest move yet. I saw his car enter the Grove from where I sat, in my upstairs sewing room. I hurried to my back patio. Then I crept through the Nuttle’s garden.” Patty Nuttle grabber her husband’s arm, leaned close to his ear, and muttered about broken asparagus.

“I crept beside their brick exterior, made my way to a good hiding spot where you can see everything that happens on Gooseberry Lane. From my hidden vantage point I watched the hooded figure approach each house in turn. He peered into the front door. Grasped the handle. Stepped back in retreat. And headed for the next would-be-target. He cased each and every joint, ready to burst into the first unlocked residence he found!” Emogene’s shoulders were lifted in a tight knot of fear.

“Would someone please make a motion to end this nonsense? I’d like to catch what’s left of the game,” growled Mr. Clifton.

Emogene slammed her crinkled Neighborhood Watch notes to the table like an angry fourth grader. Turning to President Doll she pleaded, tears pooled in her eyes, “What are you going to do about this thieving ruffian?”

Reginald lowered his hand from his mouth. He placed it on Emogene’s arm. A smirk showed where his hand once rested. “That’s what we’ve all been trying to tell you, Emogene.”

Emogene looked around the room. Broad grinned people stood. A few put on jackets. Two large men held back deep barrel chested laughter with crossed arms. Several women shook their heads, pursed their lips, and let humor shine in the twinkle of their eyes.

“Emogene. The Homeowner’s Association hired a new landscaper!”

THE END

Elk Grove HOA